I’d like to take just a brief moment to outline one of the key components in my work (and a linchpin of my own personal worldview)—the so-called paradoxical theory of change. This concept, threaded through several of the wisdom traditions of both the East and West was brought into the realm of psychotherapeutic understanding in 1970 by Dr. Arnold Beisser. In short, the paradoxical theory of change is the understanding that change occurs when we accept ourselves as we are, not when we try to become what we are not. The paradox is that change is not achieved through a process of coercion or manipulation by oneself or others. Instead, change occurs when the individual truly and fully invests in the unfolding experience as it is. For lasting transformation to take place, we must abandon what we would prefer or desire to be in order to embrace and bring into the richness of our full awareness, what we are. To quote Bessier, “the premise is that one must stand in one place in order to have firm footing to move and that it is difficult or impossible to move without that footing.” Humans suffer because we fail to achieve that firm footing. Constantly shifting between what we believe (or have been told) we should be and what we think we truly are, we never sink our weight fully into either experience. Thus we experience instability and unhappiness. To fully drop into the awareness of what is, rather than what we fantasize about requires nothing more than that we sink into the present moment (even when that present moment is horrifying, painful and unsatisfying). For from that place there is an opportunity to move through the horror and into a true experience of something else. This is not a matter of insight, but rather of process. By being what one is—fully—one discovers the space to become something else. For more on the paradoxical theory of change and its role in the Gestalt Therapy model, see Dr. Bessier’s original article Paradoxical Theory of Change.
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3. Breathe! A simple reminder, perhaps, but a powerful action. Breath (along with blinking) is one of the few physiological processes we can consciously control. Think of a time when you were startled or frightened—a car backfired, a door suddenly slammed, someone rounded the corner unexpectedly. Most likely you physically froze, took a big breath and held it. This is natural. The opposite is equally natural. By consciously exhaling and inhaling, slowly and deeply, we can use a physiological process to help navigate an emotional one. Try this the next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or over stressed. Exhale, then take a slow, steady breath in for a count of four. Hold the breath for a count of four. Exhale for a count of four. Hold the breath for a count of four. Repeat.
2. Honor Your Own Needs and Wants. There can be enormous pressure (at the holidays and throughout the year) to be all things to all people and to set aside your own wants and needs in order to meet the wants and needs of others in your life. This is not necessarily a bad thing, of course, unless and until it becomes a perpetual pattern whereby you constantly forsake the signals of your own mind and body in an effort to meet the needs and desires of everyone else. Your experience matters! Saying “no” or “not now” is acceptable. Give yourself permission to take that nap, skip that party, soak in that tub. You may be surprised at how honoring yourself in such ways will help provide more energy for engaging with others afterward. 1. Move! We are an incredibly sedentary culture. We sit in front of screens, tap at phones, drive or ride in cars…yet by design we are creatures of motion. Several times throughout the day, consider stopping whatever activity you are engaged in and slowly roll your shoulders. Stand up, then gently bend at the waist and bring your hands toward the ground (whether you touch your toes or simply let your arms dangle matters not). Slowly look over your right shoulder. Then your left. Place your hands on your hips and engage in some slow hip circles. Get away from the screens in your life and take a walk, however brief (it need not be for miles). You may be surprised at how stress relieving such simple measures can be. Better yet, combine all three of these…Honor your desire for less stress by moving and breathing. And let me know what happens! When Tree Die, People Die by LIndsay Abrams, The Atlantic
The blight was first detected in June 2002, when the trees in Canton, Michigan, got sick. The culprit, the emerald ash borer, had arrived from overseas, and it rapidly spread -- a literal bug -- across state and national lines to Ohio, Minnesota, Ontario. It popped up in more distant, seemingly random locations as infested trees were unwittingly shipped beyond the Midwest. Within four years of first becoming infested, the ash trees die -- over 100 million since the plague began. In some cases, their death has an immediate impact, as they fall on cars, houses, and people. In the long term, their disappearance means parks and neighborhoods, once tree-lined, are now bare. Something else, less readily apparent, may have happened as well. When the U.S. Forest Service looked at mortality rates in counties affected by the emerald ash borer, they found increased mortality rates. Specifically, more people were dying of cardiovascular and lower respiratory tract illness -- the first and third most common causes of death in the U.S. As the infestation took over in each of these places, the connection to poor health strengthened. To read full article, click here. Caring for Your Introver: the Habits and Nees of a Little-Understood Group by Johnathan Rouch, The Atlantic
Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice? If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out? If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands—and that you aren't caring for him properly. Read full article, click here. Ten Things Better Than Money by Geoffrey James (Inc.)
A recent Gallup poll, quoted in The Atlantic, found that "well-being rises with income at all levels of income, across countries." In other words, as the article's title states, the poll proves that "Yes, Money Does Buy Happiness." Except that it doesn't prove that at all. What the study actually discovered was a "strong correlation" between each nation's real GDP per capita and the sense of "well-being" among those nation's citizens. Correlation isn't causation. The data could just as easily be interpreted the other way around: that happiness creates wealth. What's most likely, though, is that happiness and wealth are part of a cycle, each one creating more of the other. To read full article, click here. Psychotherapy Can Boost Happiness More Than Money: Study by HealthDay News
Psychological therapy may be much more effective at making people happy than getting a raise or winning a lottery prize, suggests an English study. To read full article, click here. |
AuthorBryan Dieterich, MA, LPC Archives
March 2020
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